


How To Survive Sasuke Uchiha

by omg_im_addicted



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:42:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23261164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omg_im_addicted/pseuds/omg_im_addicted
Summary: Every one ever knows that Sasuke is Kami's most beautiful creation. He doesn't know just what he does to when he acts a certain way, and they all fall to his mercy. He doesn't know what he does to them. (But here's the trick, he does.)
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70





	1. Curves

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, I was using my phone to type this.

Sasuke Uchiha wears baggy clothes, its a fact of life. Every Uchiha wears baggy clothes. Konoha is convinced its hereditary. But, did anyone ever wonder why?

* * *

"Oi Sasuke-teme!" Naruto called out while they were taking a break from their training. Sasuke dint glance from his meditative position.

"Why'da ya wear baggy clothes?" Naruto asked, and there was silence. Because to be honest, why did Sasuke wear baggy clothes?

"Why do you wear orange?" Sasuke replied in a monotone voice. And there it is, if anything- an Uchiha was a snaky bastard- especially Sasuke.

"Well my mom's nickname was 'the fiery red hot habenero' and my dads nickname was 'the yellow flash'. It was practically fate." Naruto explained with a thinking face on.

"Uchiha wear baggy clothes dobe" Sasuke said in the same tone.

"Yeah, but what if you, didn't?" Naruto asked in a voice like he was explaining it to a toddler.

"Why?" Sasuke asked with one elegant eyebrow raised.

"I don't know really... But if you do, I wont wear orange for a week!" Naruto proclaimed. Kakashi and Sakura's heads snapped to the two males dicussing clothing fast enough that Gai would get wiplash. 

"Do you mean that Naruto?" Sakura asked wearily

"Of course I meant it dattebayo! I never go back on my word!" the orange clad ninja practically screamed

"Okay Naruto, here is your first lesson in how to successfully bribe an Uchiha" Kakashi exclaimed with hope in his voice. The did a few hand signs and two weirdly shaped knives popped out. Kakashi sat down infront of Sasuke who had given up on actually meditating and had gone for crossing his arms. When Kakashi showed him the weapons you could see something spark in his eyes. That spark was dangerous.

"These are Hatake made double bladed Haladie knives Sasuke" Kakashi explained carefully opening them to the palm of his hand as to show the stubborn Uchiha the weapons.

"And, if you do what Naruto asked of you, you can have them" Kakashi was now watching his student like a hawk, and Naruto and Sakura were watching him just as intently.

Sasuke's slender, delicate hand reached out for the knives and grabbed them by the handle. Then you could see red and purple chakra overtaking the blades and the blades started to stretch till they were a foot and a half long pointed into a deadly sharp tip.

They paled.

"Sure" the Uchiha said that dangerous spark back in his eyes.

They slowly backed away. Because they weren't safe when Sasuke had those knives.

* * *

Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto were waiting at the training grounds for their onyx haired teammate to show up. 

And the suspense was practically killing them. And then a woman walked onto the fields. 

"Kakashi" Sasuke's voice rung out.

Team 7 looked around for their onyx haired teammate before finding a woman standing next to Kakashi.

The woman was wearing a Chinese styled blood red kinamaro (the style of shirt that Kimimaro had in the series and a neck line like Tented had when she was a genin). She had long raven hair tied up in a bun that was held with a senbon. She had big onyx Doe eyes that were framed by her silky raven hair. She had beautiful unmarred porecelan skin and plump pink lips. But most of all she had a slender waist and big hips, and when she turned sideways, she had an ass. A **_nice_** ass.

But you could definetly tell she was a kunoichi, she had a war axe that was strapped to her back, and if she was anything like Sakura, then it would be best not to anger her.

"Kunoichi-chan, we are currently using this field to practice" Sakura stated calmly, the Kunoichi did not reply.

 _Where is she familiar from!?_ Kakashi thought furiously. His mind was going into overdrive because the woman looked so familiar, but was stumping him none the less.

 _Unless..._ He thought _, Always look underneath the underneath. Is it? No, there is no possible way..._ Kakashi thought wildly. And then the Kunoichi started to speak.

"Kakashi" in a chilling voice- in _Sasuke's_ voice. And if it weren't for the years of being a ninja, Kakashi would have passed out.

"Excuse me _what_ " Sakura demanded furiously. "What are you wearing?" She shrieked, the supposed Kunoichi who was now identified as Sasuke's shrugged.

"Tenten and Shikamaru picked it out" he said innocently.

"Why would Tenten and Shikamaru help you!" Sakura screeched again

"Hn" was the reply she got- Kakashi could practically see the steam coming off of his pink haired student.

"T-teme?" Naruto asked "sense when have you been-" Naruto made an hourglass figure with his hands "-like that?"

"Heredity?" Sasuke's asked with tones of uncertainty slipping through in his tone. All of a sudden a voice called out.

"Hey Sasuke im going Tenten's place you coming?" Shikamaru asked form the beginning of the field. Sasuke nodded and was off- and Kakashi could have sworn that there was just a bit more sway in his hips than before.

* * *

"So how'd it go?" Tenten asked smoothly

"Naruto got a nosebleed and Sakura looked jealous" the last Uchiha said

"Mission accomplished" Shamaru said lazily

"l wonder how well Neji would do?" Tenten asked a sly smirk sliding onto her face.

"Its all in the hips" Sasuke agreed a twin smirk appearing onto his face.

"How troublesome..." Shikamaru muttered despite the same smirk on his face as well.

' _Watch out Anata_ ' Sasuke thought to himself, nothing is more funny than seeing a prodigy squirm.

Afterall, its all in the hips, Sasuke's hips just happened to be better than the Kunoichi class. Something he knew the Hyuuga prodigy appreciates very- _very_ , much.


	2. Uchiha's Know All- Kakashi

** _Kakashi- Sick-_ **

The Rookie 9 Sensei's were at a restaurant having a meeting about their genin teams and how their progress was going. Everyone was having a good time. telling the other sensei's entertaining stories about their genin teams- well, everyone but Kakashi. 

Currently Kakashi has a raging 102.3 fever *in fahrenheit (F)*, and had just recently come back from a mission where he was injured, 2 bruised ribs and a gash along his side which is most likely infected. Moral of the story, Kakashi feels like shit and doesn't want to be here but is anyways against his better judgement.

Before this he had training with said genin and was caught off guard by one of Sasuke's attacks, not that he would ever let it show though. But he knew that Sasuke knew that something was up. The boy was turning his emotionless gaze upon Kakashi far more than usual, the boy was not called a genius for nothing.

Kakashi was cut off with his musing and found Gai talking "MY EVER SO YOUTHFUL ETERNAL RIVAL KAKASHI! MY MOST YOUTHFUL NEJI IS BEING SO COLD HEARTED, AND IS NOT SHOWING ANY OF HIS YOUTHFUL EMOTIONS! YOU HAVE YOUTHFUL SASUKE-KUN ON YOUR TEAM! HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH HIS EVER UNYOUTHFUL LACK OF EMOTIONS!" Gai said in his usual happy, go peppy, loud mood. 

Kajashi shrugged "He is by far the most emotionless Uchiha I've ever seen. If if weren't for the fact that he gives out the occasional 'hn' you'd think he was dead" he explained resisting the urge to rub his temples in an attempt to stop the pounding in his brain. It took almost all of his willpower not to and he was already resisting the urge to curl into a ball and whimper pathetically.

Asuma piped up from where he was sitting with Kurenai, "Uchiha's are like cats Kakashi, you should just get a spray bottle and use it when he act Uchiha-y" he advised when a sudden bone chilling voice interuppted their conversation.

"My father used that method to try and control me" they looked over to see Sasuke standing by Kakashi, lacking emotion and looking- well dead.

"And?" Kurenai pressed the young Uchiha, heavily intrested despite the single scentence said by him, temporarily disregarding the age difference.

"I threw a war-axe at his head" Sasuke said fondly- and if you listened close enough you could hear the humor in his voice. That was not what they had expected from the young Uchiha,but he wasn't done.

"Kakashi you are needed elsewhere at the moment" The Uchiha said once again in that calm monotone tone.

"I am sure that it can wait until morning ne Sasuke-kun?" Kurenai stated, Sasuke just gave her a critisising glate.

"Yeah were just hanging out with him as his friends" Asuma added

"If you were truly his 'friends' you would have noticed that he had just come back from a mission, that he has two bruised maybe broken ribs, and infected gash on the side of his torso, and a fever. He does not need to be with 'friends' at the moment. He needs to rest" Sasuke said stating Kakashi's sickly state with ease, and simultainiously guilting the three other jonin.

"YOSH! KAKASHI YOUR STUDENT IS FANNING THE FLAMES OF HIS YOUTH BY SHOWING HIS CARE FOR YOU" Gai screemed, Sasuke looked at him unimpressed with one eyebrow raised.

"I could care less about Kakashi's well-being, however he is the best candidate on my team to test my poisons on. Sakuras immune system is too weak and she will die quickly, Naruto isnt fazed by poison because of a fox that just so happens to be taking a vacation in him, but Kakashi is a seasoned ninja, so I can improve my poisons lethality by his reactions to it. If he is sick he is useless to me, and uselessness is unacceptable." Sasuke said emotionlessly.

The three jonin just watched on in silence, shocked by the youngest Uchiha's declaration. Kakashi honestly too tired to care, at this point he would welcome the poisons to this.

"Come Kakashi-sensei, the sooner your healed, the sooner I can poison you. We do not have time to waste" Sasuke said still not giving away any emotion whatsoever.

"Ma, well you heard him, im off!" Kakashi said transporting to his apartment, not missing the eyebrow his student raised in a silent challenge to the jonin, before he flashed off.

Kakashi also didn't miss the bowl of eggplant miso soup -his favorite-, antibiotics, bandages, and painkillers placed on his counters with a note that held an Uchiha seal.

And if he got poisoned the next day he knew that his cute little Uchiha genin had an antidote.

Hopefully...


End file.
